I should have gone to law school. Three times downtown we have trekked without even getting to my evidence. Finally, this past week the technicalities are now resolved and in a few weeks, I can "show and tell" what I spent hours and hours on arranging, rearranged, tossing out, tossing back in, rearranging and re-writing. I now truly appreciate how an ethical lawyer can spend so much time putting a case together. I can also appreciate the years that lawyers spent in law school mastering their craft and skills. Needless to say, we can't afford a lawyer in this matter and, so, I will give it my best shot. Worst case, the asshole only gets a year. The best outcome will be a long sentence in a federal prison.
Besides the criminal case, Sarah keeps on trudging and as the years pass, my "enthusiasm" for keeping this "project" going is waning as is my mother's endurance. Every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are my days of dread. The entire "getting Sarah to bed" thing, what used to be a "start to finish" task of about 35 minutes that now, with the added necessities, the task can take up to an hour and fifteen minutes. It all depends on how strong my mother is at the end of each long day in this house. It's just a bitch of a way to end my usually trite days.
And so the years drag on, the holidays go by without much energy and the workload just increases on me. I have written before, but the older they get, the less the clean, the slower things take to get done, and the driving is becoming a concern. I told myself today that I would prefer to die than have to take care of my father and mother by myself. There is no one left in this family. The quality of living suffers more and more as ALS continues to ravage my sister and, at the same time (as if anyone cares in this family) my brain. Honestly, it's one thing to live a "normal" life away from parents and then to come home (or have them move in) but to have to give up a potentially viable life to take care of a sibling with ALS and now watch the parents enter their final years is a load I really don't care to endure as time marches on. What the fuck am I supposed to do? "Deal with it?". Fuck that. I have "dealt with it", as my dentist of 40 years told me last week "with the strength of Job". My body has taken hit after hit from all the years of stress and I am just fucking tired of living their lives. The sooner ALS wraps up its' misery tour on all of us here, the sooner I get in my car and drive to a hotel at the beach and begin anew. Spend some days in a hot tub, then nights on the dance floor, I'll be good as new..........................?